Oh, you're ‘single single’ during the holidays?

You've already planned how you're going to respond to the question, looked up clap-backs on Black Twitter for the elders, and prepped to swerve the aggy aunt who tries to set you up with her friend's son. Who are you? A single female during the holidays.

Whew, chile — trust me, I get it!

But what feels like a blow to the ego or a low-key slap boxing match for your pride, really can become a moment to practice your fearlessness. So before you grease your palette to tell your aunt how dry her mac-and-cheese is, let's warm your heart and prepare your mind for how to handle the holidays as the single queen that you are.

“You are a fierce woman who brings more to the table than a boo.

You are successful in your own right and running your race with grace. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of that - ever.”

You're single, so what?!

My book Dating with Dignity opens with me kind of going off. Well, naw...I'm going off. Not on any particular person, just at society as a whole, because I am over women feeling like they must have a man to feel valuable and are made to feel less than for the lack thereof. Or for having societal expectations of "the norm" is shoved in our faces if we aren't married by age X, a mother by age Y, or doing whatever else by age Z.

You are single, whether you want to be or not, but SO WHAT?! Your value isn't determined by your relationship status and no one should ever make you feel as such. Hold your head up high this holiday season and don't cower when the question arises. Say it with confidence, sis. "Yep, I'm single and I'm okay with that. Now, let me tell y'all about [insert your latest accomplishment]." Kill the shame and ignite the flame - you’re lit.

Use this time to love on the ones you love.

Two years ago I said goodbye to my last two living grandparents. I know this is cliché to say, but I wish I had loved on them just a little more while they were here, because holidays really aren't the same without those two laughing and cracking jokes throughout the house. So while this is something you hear often, trust me it doesn't seem necessary until it's your reality: your family members won't always be here, so spend time with them and love on them as much as you can. Fill these single holidays with memorable moments, take the selfies with your loved ones, and even sit down to laugh with that aggy aunt. These moments will fill your heart, be great to share with your significant other when your two meet and last much longer than the irritation you currently feel from being single during the holidays. I promise.

Girl, have fun!

Listen, you won't always be able to pick up and go when you feel like it. You can hang out with friends after family time, jump on a flight to whatever city to link with your travel tribe, or simply unwind in silence when it's all said and done. Make the most of these single holidays. When I travel home, I take an extra day off when I get back to Atlanta to do whatever I want (and or need to) before returning to work. Don't hesitate to do the same.

All in all, this single timeframe isn't always fun but it can be. You are a fierce woman who brings more to the table than a boo. You are successful in your own right and running your race with grace. Don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of that - ever.

But if push comes to shove, you can always rent-a-bae for the holidays. They've been having specials on Instagram. Haha!

Jk. Jk.

Happy Thanksgiving, love!

XO,
Ces